Sunday, 23 June 2013

A Word About Sereno Williams

Once upon a time, a man infiltrated himself into the female tennis scene just so he can get rich and famous - by winning with ease. But this isn't the story of Marty Navratilov. Nor is it the biography of Amel Mauresmo. This is the tale of Mike Tyson's nephew, Sereno Williams Tyson, born in 1981 in a tennis-orientated Jehovah's Witnesses cult.

The latest fad: photo-shopping beached whales. Some people prefer to make it pose rather than help return it to the ocean. Admittedly, some people give up simply because they need a crane to shove this thing back into the water.

The first thing Sereno's fans need to know is that (s)he was born with a penis (and still has it). Ironically, his older sister Penus Williams was named after one. It was hence almost fateful that the next child their Jehovah parents shit out would be the she-male/female version of The Incredible Hulk. Perhaps if they had named Penus something else, for example Lolita Williams, none of this hermaphroditic mess would have transpired during this unholy, unnecessary conception. They played around with dumb names, and that threw a curse on the "girls". (The moral: give your kids normal names, don't make them suffer needlessly by branding them for life with cretinous pompous names.)

A picture says a thousand words - and shows a million doped-up muscles.

Besperming an egg to produce Sereno was hardly an immaculate conception, as you can well imagine. However, Sereno's father realized that the Hulk's weird physical state could bring the greedy sectarian family bundles of easy cash. There was a Golden Cow on the horizon, called the WTA, and he knew he could milk it for all its worth, especially in this age of Political Correctness when it's considered wrong to question the legality of a powerful black transgender man with breasts and testicles competing alongside women with vaginas. Admittedly, Sereno isn't the only testicular giant on the "women's" tour who's won major titles with ease, which is why the organization is considering a motion to re-name itself to the TTA, the Transgender Tennis Association.

However, what Sereno's fans don't know, the Hulk tried its luck on the ATP tour first. After failing to win a single game against the 343rd ranked player Hung Kau-Dung, Sereno got violent and broke every bone in the Chinese player's body, for which he was expelled from the tour indefinitely. (Not Hung, Sereno got expelled.)

Devotion to family is spelled in large neon letters in the Jehovah's Witnesses cult.

Once on the WTA tour, things became much much much easier for Sereno. He was like a fox on a farm, butchering away at defenseless little chicks with his testosterone-aided forehands, without a care or qualm in the world. It was extremely unfair, making a mockery of the term "fair competition", and it certainly didn't make any sense at all, but the WTA allowed Sereno to kick female butt simply because he signed up as "Serena Williams". The "A" made all the difference, for the WTA was, is, and always will be run by fools. They forgot to ask him to take off his pants! I guess even Milos Raonic could join the women's tour, and nobody would notice - or care.

Sereno never has menstruation, obviously. A further advantage he has over his female opponents.

Good thing the WTA has such a firm grip on its anti-doping program.

Soon after Sereno's very predictable dominance started, voices started to be heard: "She's a man!" However, these voices were soon squashed and Sereno's loud detractors tamed when the Williams Jehovah's Witnesses clan used the Race Card

The Race Card is a wonder of modern Western culture, an almost magical weapon: it opens doors for blacks, shuts down doors for non-blacks, it defends from all accusations, it shuts down free speech (when that suits the person using the card), it allows an entire demographic group to avoid having to assume responsibility for anything, and it prevents your opponents from continuing the attack lest they be accused of RACISM. 

She has so much love to share. All you have to do is ask for it.

Ugh, the R word. So many white folk shake and tremble at the very thought of having the R word thrown at them, so they prefer to keep quiet, the scared little ducklings that they are, even when they know that they are not racists at all, and even when Sereno behaves like an out-of-control bully with line-judges or belittles her opponents like a truly dumb High School jock in press conferences.

Steroid-pumped Sereno has the freedom to do as he wants, because he has breasts (which somehow count whereas the shlong and the three hefty testicles don't), and because he is black. Were Sereno white, his behaviour would have been uniformly decried by both the press and tennis fans as unacceptably aggressive, anti-social and highly pompous. Such is the luck of the draw, of being born at the right place at the right time, with the right Race-Card-waving Jehovah parents to advance your shameful career.

He just charms you from the get-go.

So how can this awful, unappealing individual have (so m)any fans? You must have pondered this question often. Here are some explanations to all the questions you might have about his fans:

Where the hell do these detractors get the crazy idea (s)he's a crazy, violent, aggressive psycho bitch?
1) Many sports fans are spineless sheep who fly where the wind takes them. These types wait to see who starts dominating and then they become their fans, emotionally attaching themselves to their new heroes. Before Sereno, their idols were Graf and Marty. These people are slaves to hype, and suckers for fame and success. Serenocretins are mental weaklings and misfits who need a high-profile public dominator in order to feel better about being such losers in their private lives. We have seen this with the Chicago Bulls, with Pete Sampras, with Roger Federer's amazingly simple-minded fedtards, with Manchester United, with Lance Armstrong, and a host of others.

Very few people have the integrity and individuality to root for athletes and teams that struggle, or aren't at the very top, or don't always win. It's so much easier to root for the guy you know nearly always wins.

A sports fan uses the team or player that he supports to live out his own fantasies through them. But some fans have such high insecurity levels and such an overdeveloped inferiority complex that they need success as often as they need food. Such fans are usually the meek, weak, feel-inadequate types filled with self-loathing, hence their need to latch on to the absolute no.1 in a sport, rather than support the 5th best or 28th best who succeed far too rarely to give such pathetic fans the moral boost that they need as often as a junkie needs his fix.

2) Some tennis fans have become Sereno supporters simply by using the old adage: "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em". Serenocretins must have realized early on in his career that by being a man he has such a huge advantage that he has the potential of dominating the "women's" game until he's in his 40s. (Don't doubt the fact that Sereno could stack up as many as 50 grand slam titles, it is well within his means, since he only has 7 women (among which is only occasionally a beast such as he is) to beat in order to collect each one.) 

In other words, many Serenocretins didn't like him at first, because Sereno is such an obvious asshole lacking charisma, and they still latently hate him, but have been supporting him so long that they'd forgotten why they became his fans! And so they lash out at your humble writer of this text, who simply tells them the truth about themselves (and their muscular idol). Nothing will get people more riled up than when you shower their faces with the ugly truth. Denial is a cozy pillow, whereas truth is a big fat bitch.

Jessica Alba, step aside. This where it's at!

3) Naturally, there are also all the black Serenocretins who support him simply based on his skin colour. Is that not racism?

Of course it isn't. It has been proven by the liberal white media that racism exists only amongst white people, and that all evil in society can be directly traced only to them. Never mind that blacks suffered as slaves for centuries under Arab Muslims - a historical fact nobody even talks about anymore.

(If I chose to support athletes based on their skin colour I'd have the Race Card waved at me at a rate of around 3,800 per minute. Quite to the contrary, even though I am a Serb, I don't even support all Serb pros. Some of them I happen to dislike. I go by playing style, and most importantly by character. Nationality and race don't interest me at all when it comes to whom I root for - and yet I know this text will have the latently racist libtards screaming foul. "Racist!" I can hear their indignant screams already - from these knucklehead latent racists obsessed with race.

Unlike those frightened little white Western mice, who fear nothing more than being accused of sexism or racism, I am not afraid of being accused of anything. I am also immune to all attempts to mock, offend, or denigrate me. So feel free to fire away, Serenocretins - after you'd done wiping off the drool caused from all these mega-sexy photos.)

A professional photographer trying not to throw up while doing what he's paid for, or just another emotionally unstable latently gay Serenocretin on his knees, worshiping his Demon God?

4) Patriotic reasons. Some tennis fans - the dumbest ones usually - pick their favourites only based on which passport they carry in the pocket on their left ass-cheek. But these people should know that Sereno is first-and-foremost a Jehovah's Witness, and only second (or 8th) an American. Besides, tennis isn't a team sport, and he plays for himself, his vile sect, and the money. Don't think for a second that this self-obsessed narcissistic rhino gives a shit about anything or anybody aside from himself. (No, don't even start with that charity bullshit.) 

Yeah, strong is beautiful. And ugly is pretty. White is orange, and lizards are chairs. Furthermore, criminals are sophisticated, mongoloids are astronauts, and wars are fun. 
WTA's desperate campaign to turn their biggest liability into a selling point was a bit like Gary Glitter trying to get a job as a nanny.
5) Latent gays. Many guys who think they're heterosexual (or suspect they might not be but want to live in denial) find Sereno "strangely" appealing. Sereno is every lady-boy fantasy come true, so this shouldn't surprise anyone. Seriously: what normal straight man finds huge, thick, steroidal thighs sexy? Arms as big as an NBA center's? Let's face it, if you're into women, you do not unzip your pants to posters of Sereno plastered on your bedroom walls.

A man's man. Especially if that man is gay.

        What's there (not) to like?

So what possible reasons other than the three above could people possibly have to support Sereno's dubious career? Here are some character traits of his, and other reasons that make rooting for him seemingly impossible:

1) supremely arrogant; only a fool confuses arrogance with confidence, and Sereno clearly belongs to the former; many champions have been confident without letting success get to their heads - clearly, our narcissistic Ego-maniac Sereno isn't that way  
Jehovah's witnesses preach love, kindness, and modesty, first and foremost. They have witnessed all those in Sereno, too, and are so proud of him - even as they watch him attempt to commit the world's first homicide with a tennis racket on a WTA event. 
Fortunately, the tournament's bodyguards (hired to protect him, ha-ha) wrestled Sereno to the ground before (s)he could "smash that bitch's face in". It took five minutes for 5 men to bring her down, but Sereno fought hard and managed to break 3 hip bones, 5 collar bones, and 11 ribs in the process. The bodyguards have vowed revenge on Twitter, but everybody knows they're scared shitless of the Great Hulk.

2) rarely gives credit to his opponents, even when he loses, preferring to blame injuries for every defeat; but then again, who can blame him? no man likes to admit losing to a woman

All the grace of a sperm whale trying to catch a flying fish.

3) aggressive, with obvious violent tendencies and a lot of pent-up anger and hatred (yes, you're free to wave the Race Card at me, like I give a shit)

I think even Mike "The Situation" would refuse to hit that. (Coz he might get hit back?)

4) his playing style is ugly; to say he is graceless would be a vast understatement; he lunges at balls (with those tree-trunks he calls legs) like a frenzied truck-driver looking for a lost beer-can, and her/his movements have all the femininity of a male walrus falling off a cliff; he rarely shows touch, and hits the ball with more ugliness than even hunchbacked Wozniacki


This is what it took to beat Mr. Williams in a slam finale, in what was the most testosterone-charged tennis finale in the history of men's tennis. (There were two men's finales at the U.S. Open in 2011.)
It would seem Sereno isn't nearly as mighty on the court when facing an opponent who is feeding off the same juice cocktail as the Mighty Hulk himself.

5) he is a Jehovah's Witness; major religions are bad enough, but these shitty little evil sects are bottom-of-the-barrel dens of vipers, with JW being one of the most vile of all money-making Church conglomerates and this ignorant dumb ass finances them with his profits, and advertises them to her gullible, impressionable (and sexually confused hence easily drawn into a cult) fans; I guess a ticket among the 144,000 is secure, Sereno!

Rumours that (s)he's 50 Cent's alter ego just aren't true.

6) he looks and sounds cringe-worthily ridiculous when he appears on catwalks and talks about fashion and designing clothes; Sereno always wanted to have his cake and eat it too - be a screaming lunatic alpha male on court, as well as a sexy, exalted lady when (s)he's out meeting other celebrity morons

7) he looks at his opponents with barely hidden contempt, and uses intimidation which is pretty shameful considering he's a man and they're just girls (not to mention he's robbing them of their points, wins, money, and glory by playing with them instead of the ATP where he'd been without success and banned)

Like a gentle flower bending in the Summer breeze.

8) he uses sportsmanship, i.e. any dirty means necessary to cheat his opponent out of a point, and when (s)he's caught doing it (s)he throws hissy-fits, threatening to massacre the umpire; so lady-like, and such a Bible-hugging devout Christian

"Yo, you bitch-ass honkey skank! Don't think I won't be whoopin' your ass just coz we got thousands of homeyz sitting in da stands! When I start jivin' my neck left-and-right like this, don't be assuming I'm-a just doin' it to look tough in-da-hood sense, you mothafucka! And just coz you got a white mutha riding a horse on your stupid-ass blue jacket don't give you the authority to question my authority on this fucking court, you fat-ass Mexican ho cunt!"

9) doesn't mind throwing low blows at opponents' private lives, but turns into an even bigger and greener Hulk should anyone dare accuse him of saying or doing anything 

And, finally... the evidence! 

I had sent a detective last year to Sereno's old neighbourhood, to see what he can dig up from his shady past. There he found out about Sereno's former girlfriend, Tahita. And then he met Brigid. And then he met Britney. And then he met-

But I waste your time. There is no point in listing all of Sereno's 83 former girlfriends.

This begs the question. WHY was Sereno so popular among women? He is ugly, he is an asshole (or a bitch, if you buy his story that's he's a female), and he has no manners. Is it because women love "bad boys"?

No. This is the main reason.

Our detective asked all of the 83 ex-girlfriends to give him rough measurements of Sereno's penis, and using the average value we hired a sculptor to build a 1:1 replica of it. So now we know why Sereno could get so many girls into bed! Word had got out about his large genitals.

The same genitals that WTA's administrators and medical staff didn't even bother to check! Which is why I am a firm believer in the new PANTS DOWN policy that some WTA players are fighting for. This new approach would ensure that every new player wanting to join the women's tour has to show his/her genitals to WTA's medical staff, to verify that they are in fact female.

Male Serenocretins can now pull up their pants. Shame on you. You're worse than George Michael. Ironically, you're the ones with your pants down whenever you see Sereno, instead of Sereno finally manning up to his great con and showing us all that he is indeed male.

The Latest News!

This just in. Sereno's ex, Shanita, has sent us what she claims is a photo of her and Sereno engaged in oral sex. 

I will investigate this claim, and let you know the results of my query.

Or perhaps you can't get enough of the vile Sereno? Check out these tennis quotes:



  1. Been telling since a decade that this "woman" is doped since a very long time ! You didn't mention how fresh she came back 1 year after her long embolism winning titles back for fun !

    1. You're absolutely right about that. Then again, being a man, he can take as much as 5 years off and still beat these girls straight away. But whether an unfair sexual advantage or a doping advantage, anybody with an ounce of common sense should be able to detect something quite fishy going on with the She-Hulk.

  2. I think this may be the funniest thing I have ever read, absolutely brilliant! Such was I crying with laughter that I had to take a break for fear that I would die from laughing. Penus and Sereno, lol!

  3. That idiot won again the US open with only losing a set ( maybe on purpose ) at the hands of Victoria Azarenka in final ! That girl is a FRAUD and I'm not scared to tell it ! Long live the doping products and it's easy to win titles when the opposition is so poor !

  4. It is difficult to believe such a fraud. What about WTA leaders? How can they accept this terrible situation?
    It is absolutely unfair for SW to compete in WTA ! Wake-up citizens of the planet World !

  5. It's official - documents have been leaked stating that the Williams sisters have been doping with the approval of the WADA: