Wednesday, 31 July 2013

21 Reasons NOT To Get A Tattoo

I am fully aware that some of the reasons listed will be interpreted as reasons to get tattoos by some retards, and there are plenty of those out there. But this list is anyway not directed at such lost causes. Nor is it intended for people who already have them; if you already have them - enjoy them, as far as that's possible.

First a few typical reasons why people get them:

A) "My cat meant so much to me, I think I'll tattoo its paws on my forehead".

B) "I want to have a tattoo that symbolizes my struggle against Parkinson's disease."

C) "Me and my wife want to tattoo our names on our backsides so that whenever we take a dump we are reminded of our love."

What's this latest craze with desecrating, dirtying, ruining your healthy, natural skin with symbols, names and other useless kitsch?

A) If you like your cat (as you should), feed it and take care of it. Keep in mind though that the cat couldn't care less about your tattoo anyway - especially if it's already passed away. If it could talk, it would probably tell you that "you could have spent that money on more useful things - like new toys for me to play with and more BEEF!".

B) If you fought against a disease and won, be happy and proud, but why do you have to plaster ink on your skin to "symbolize" it? Don't you want to FORGET your disease for a damn minute? Write about it or tell your friends and strangers about the struggle, don't kid yourself that the tattoo tells anything about you or your ordeal except that you follow fads and are desperate for attention.

C) If you love your wife, love her; don't put additional pressure on your marriage by immortalizing her big nose on your chest, only to have to worry about how after your divorce she'll be watching you shave - from your chest - for the rest of your life, while you're trying to forget that fateful day when she dumped you.

You know what would turn heads? A tattoo that says "I WAS KIDNAPPED BY TATTOOED MORONS AND THIS TATTOO WAS A RESULT OF THAT".

Tattoos are one of the silliest fashion items of this emotionally insecure, very confused and anti-intellectual age. People with serious psychological issues and those who lack self-esteem publicly display their shortcomings by letting greedy tattoo-artists inject their skin-pores with their filthy ink. Clever marketing people have invented the money-grabbing scheme i.e. the ingenious idea that tattoos "symbolize" events and people in your life - rather than admitting that they're just blue-ish smears imprinted on your skin, just one more way to eke out cash out of the bored, jaded, dumb attention-seeking masses. The first tribes that used tattoos never jabbered about alleged symbolism.

Don't believe the ha-ha-ha-ha-hype. 


In the moronic age we live, criminals have become icons for the increasingly dumbed-down masses who prefer to worship false idols, especially for very confused and easily manipulated kids. This is one of the main reasons why tattoos became such a fad.

As a result, tattoos are and always will be associated with criminals and other low-lives. Criminals are for the most part of lower intelligence (as all studies show) hence their love of desecrating their bodies with inky crap. Criminals, as all studies show, tend to rarely plan ahead, rarely think long-term (like all morons), which goes hand-in-hand with the spontaneous decision to get a silly little inky blotch from some third-rate "artist".

So if you want to look like a perpetually unemployed bum who spends his time trying to steal TV sets from malls, be my guest. If your greatest wish is to be mistaken for a member of MS13 or the Bloods, go for it. Basically, if your desire is to be mistaken for an incarcerated low-IQ retard - then you must be a retard.


Generally speaking, foolish, naive, impulsive and especially stupid people get tattoos. They make up all sorts of goofy excuses for getting them, such as "I want to immortalize the love between me and my girl" or "my pet turtle has been with me since day one" or "this tribal symbolizes glory and victory" or whatever cliche New Age drivel their shallow, brainwashed minds come up with. 

Doing anything stupid with your body cannot be rationalized, no matter how hard you try, and persistent rationalizing unavoidably makes you appear even dumber than "just" getting a tattoo but not bragging about it.

 The fact that the majority of criminals - who, remember, aren't that bright to begin with - wear tattoos is a fact that helps the rest of us non-tattooed mortals suspect that something is amiss in the head that sits on a pair of tattooed shoulders.

All dumb people make impulsive decisions. The decision to get a tattoo reveals a lot about a person - and none of it is positive.

Bottom line. 
Percentage of NASA scientists who are tattooed: 1%.
Percentage of football players who are tattooed: 95%.


Apart from criminals, morons, nerds, and airhead rock stars, hookers are also well-known for undergoing inky stabbings.

 The "tramp stamp" is only one of many hookerisms related to having a blotch of ink on your skin. Why any woman would want to advertise to the whole world that she is "easy" is beyond me. Spreading your legs to a horny, unpicky male is hardly the height of social success.

Part of femininity is a clean appearance (if it weren't so, women would roll in mud before going to red-carpet events, on dates, and 5-star restaurants, and they certainly wouldn't spend hours in the bathroom). A tattoo looks like a big fat skin-smear, especially from the distance, giving any woman an unkempt, messy, dirty hence unsexy look.

Besides, how can a tattoo possibly look more attractive than a woman's natural tan/skin which it "replaces"/hides? No artificial addition can ever improve the female body in any way, as Botox and boob-implants have clearly shown. Insecure women tattoo themselves, because they aren't happy with their appearance.


You know what they say about people desperate for attention?

1) They didn't get enough attention as kids. (Which is admittedly not their fault. So all you parents reading this: shower your kids with attention so they don't become insecure tattoo-wearing adults one day.)

2) They are very insecure hence the excessive need for attention; they use tattoos as an attempt to re-build their half-destroyed, ravaged egos.

 3) They are like children, because nearly all children crave attention above all else (apart from sweets). And let's face it: kids are dumb too.

Is this how you want to be perceived? Wouldn't you rather a be a tattoo-less person who is above trends, fads? Wouldn't you prefer to come off as an independent thinker rather than a sheep-like follower?

 Besides, there is something shameful, self-degrading and cheap about trying desperately to draw attention to oneself (sort of like those clownish reality-TV contestants), especially through bizarre or needless changes to the physical appearance; it signifies that you consider yourself too boring, so by "peppering up" your body with third-rate drawings you think that this will somehow make you more interesting. But if you're a boring tit, no amount of skin-blotching will turn you into a non-boring tit. That would be magic, and tattoos don't have any magical powers - aside from being permanent.


Skin cancer is a growing disease in this sun-tan-happy age, and if your back is covered with a large colourful dragon chasing its own tail, then the likelihood that your partner will notice a suspicious growth i.e. an irregular mole, is far slimmer.

If you value your health less than having a tattoo to "show off" with, then stop reading this list right now. You are beyond help, and a cretin.

 Speaking of back tattoos, why would anyone get a back tattoo for which you need a complex multiple-mirror set-up in order to see it properly? I'll tell you why: to "show off". Forget all this "symbolism" baloney about the deeper philosophical ramifications behind getting a skin blotch, because when someone gets a tattoo, especially on the back which happens to be OUTSIDE of your field of vision, they are getting them for exhibitionist purposes only, and nothing else. Who the hell do they think they're kidding? "This symbolizes my integrity and bla bla bla". Just shut up, shut the hell up.


How many people don't grow tired of watching the same painting on the same wall, day-in and day-out? If you feel you're one of those "lucky few" who can stand to watch the same damn drawing for the rest of your life, then knock yourself out and get a collection of ink dots on your body's biggest organ - while ignoring the other 20 reasons not to get one.

But if you belong to the majority, then eventually you're grow tired of it. It's very human to get easily bored with fads, gadgets and the like. And laser treatments are:

1) very expensive
2) very lengthy (it can take over a year to erase a tattoo blotch)
3) wasting your time: you'll require numerous visits, more than a dozen in some cases
4) very painful, requiring anesthesia which isn't exactly healthy or something to take on a whim, not to mention that you'll feel the pain in spite of it
5) embarrassing, because the laser specialist will look at you as "yet another silly schmuck coming to us to get rid of his stupid skin-blotch"


If your ambition in life is to play the "rebellious-clown-without-a-cause", wearing torn jeans and having piercings dangle out of your nose like some grass-grazing Milka cow, then feel free to cover your body with tattoos. Looking like Lizard-Boy (or Lizard-Girl) isn't the worst thing that can happen to a person's appearance; there is also leprosy and scabies.

 If you don't mind looking like an uneducated putz who makes rash hence dumb decisions, such as ruining a piece of your skin for life, then skip this entry.

 But if you want to avoid being looked at by intelligent people as yet another moron in a sea of morons, avoid tattoos altogether. Nothing says "insecure fad-happy putz" more than a body smothered with blue-red blotches; messy concoctions that are supposed to make you look better.

The stupidly named Kat Von D and her fellow skanks lost nearly all femininity by looking like they're wearing bits of animal carcass on their bodies. (Kat's worn-out-nail-polish 16-year-old-Emo-girl shtick only further underlines her insanity - i.e. her pathological need to promote ugliness as "the new sexiness". Absurd.) It's bad enough when a guy looks like a street hustler or a bum, but with women its even worse. Women whose main objective in life is to be manly i.e. too look messy, and to appear "tough" need shrinks not tattoos.

Street-trash wannabes such as Kat - who have all the street smarts of a rocking chair - always look as if they hadn't washed in weeks. Tattoos are a one-way ticket to looking as if hygiene were your biggest enemy.


Don't COMPLAIN about employers not wanting to hire you on account of your tattoos. It's not their fault, it's YOUR fault. With you lies the problem, not the employer.

 The employer is merely using his common sense. He figures, and quite rightly: "if this person got tattoos that means they're most likely stupid and confused, and I don't want stupid and confused people working for me". It's that simple.

 The employer has every legal, moral, financial and logical right to make common-sense assumptions based on your physical appearance (i.e. how you choose to present yourself in public) that aid him in weeding out the boys from the men, the unemployable from the employable.
Tattoos signify/symbolize primarily low intelligence, gullibility, susceptibility to hype, a lack of confidence, a penchant for short-term thinking and planning, empty-headed anti-Establishment rebellion, and they look dirty hence imply a lack of hygiene. Not to mention that they're just plain ugly. Most employers run businesses that have to maintain a certain clean image. Tattoos very rarely fit into the desired visual image of a business.

 So hide that cretinous Nazi swastika that have on your neck next time you look for a job - IF you can!

 A world of life-long unemployment may await you. Is that really what you want? Good luck rummaging for food in dumpsters: rats and cockroaches are usually quicker.


If you're trying to be different, and want to set yourself apart from the masses, you will actually achieve the opposite.

 Sheep i.e. slaves to media and fashion hype are in the majority; these are generally the type of people who get tattooed. Becoming yet another tattooed statistic amongst the multitudes of braindead/brainwashed people will make you even less original and individualistic than you already are. In America alone, already dozens of millions of people have tattoos - and most of those morons are about as interesting as a bottle of black ink.

 By getting a tattoo, you're not distancing yourself from boring Joe Shmoe. You ARE Joe Shmoe: just another mindless Shmoe joining the multi-million-strong shmoeic "hipster" army.


Some people who have the need to alter their physical appearance to such an extreme extent - i.e. permanently -  are doing it because they are very unhappy with their looks. Tattoos reek of insecurity

Learn to like yourself as you are; don't allow yourself to be pressured and then pushed into fitting some sort of moronic media stereotype of what constitutes "cool" or "beautiful", perpetuated by greedy, manipulative journalists and demented, aesthetically-challenged fashion-designers. 

Tattoos aren't going to cure any inferiority complex you might have. They might even make you even more miserable when you realize that you still feel the same - i.e. shit - about yourself after you get them.


Tattooing the portrait of a spouse, a girlfriend, a boyfriend or their names is one of the most foolish emotional decisions anyone can ever make. What are you, 9? Are you a mature adult who makes his own decisions and conclusions regardless of the perpetually surrounding hype, or are you just an impressionable, impulsive child desperate for attention?

 Do you want to end up like that embarrassing moron Angelina Jolie who tattooed the name of her former "beau"? Talking about Billy-Bob Thornton, the other embarrassing moron in this dumb-ass inky equation. Jolie probably still has it, or had to undergo a prolonged, painful laser procedure to erase him from her bony body. Pity lobotomies aren't reversible. 

 Ditto trendy tattoos such as those idiotically-called "tribals". All the rage over a decade ago, now millions of these pointless, once-hyped, often identical drawings are sitting imprinted on millions of bodies whose dim-witted heads are now wondering how they could possibly have been so easily lulled into that bullshit: "am I really that weak-willed and easily influenced?" Yes, you bloody are!


Funny motifs may work for a while (like a few minutes, or hours at most), but even the best gag eventually stops being funny and soon turns into a dull embarrassment.

Would you ever tell the same joke over and over to the same people? Of course you wouldn't.

The expiry date of a joke is a real problem. Once your "funny tattoo" ceases being amusing (both to yourself and others) you'll be stuck with it, and you won't be smiling anymore, that's for sure.


If you're getting a tattoo to show how "tough" you are (which is a really dumb reason), i.e. how much pain you're able to withstand, consider these points first:

1) Drew Barrymore and many other skinny giggly girls such as her have tattoos. Does that nepotistic silver-spoon-fed multimillionaire retard "symbolize" toughness to you?

2) Enduring pain that is inflicted on you through a disease is called toughness, but enduring pain that you freely and willfully choose to inflict on yourself is called MASOCHISM. Masochists aren't tough; they merely enjoy their hobby.

3) Every other nerd nowadays has one. Are tattooed nerds tough? Not the last time I checked. (If you're wondering why I included two pics of Adam Levine, it's because he's twice the nerd Bieber is.)

The supposed "toughness" of having a tattoo has been so watered-down in recent years, with housewives, dorks, and teens getting them by the millions, you might as well forget about that as your reason for getting one.

Just as tattoos cannot cure boring personalities, they cannot cure nerdiness either. Tattoos are not a cure for anything. Nor do they make you either stronger or appear stronger. You are submitting yourself to pain for no good reason at all.


The prices range from 50 bucks for smaller ones to several hundred for the bigger ones, not to mention a thousand or more for the large ones.

You want "symbolism"? Try this for size: you waste $500 dollars on a tattoo that's meant to "symbolize" your generosity toward your fellow man, by getting a drawing of a hobo being tipped a $500-dollar bill by you, and yet as you approach the tattoo studio to get this grand politically correct tattoo, you pass by a beggar whom you totally ignore.

Now that's more the kind of symbolism that's up my alley. Most people are fool of shit, especially those who profess lofty meanings in their tattoos.


If it could happen to Pamela Anderson (Hepatitis C), then it can surely happen to you too. She at least has (or had) the money to afford the best and presumably cleanest tattoo artists, and still she got unlucky.

It's a needle, frcrissakes.


If you think watching your skin age and become flabby and wrinkly as you hit old age is bad, consider this: tattooed skin getting wrinkly and flabby. Much much worse.

This old geezer looks as if he'd been trying on "Avatar" costumes.


You worship your hamster and want his face to follow you around anywhere you go?

Easy. Just have a photo of his round furry body printed on several T-Shirts, caps, socks, or any other items of clothing. So when one item is in the laundry, you have a spare to carry around.

The great advantage: you can choose NOT to have your hamster's face follow you around when/if you grow tired of it. And it costs less. And it doesn't hurt. And it looks better. And you can't catch hepatitis from it. And people won't think you're a fad-happy cretin. Etc.

The fact that so many people tattoo their favourite musician on their back - as opposed to just wearing a T-Shirt with his image - proves that this symbolism CRAP is just an excuse to get a tattoo for all the wrong i.e. un-sumbolic reasons, that is to say merely to attract attention and "show off" later to anyone and everyone, foolishly believing that their physical appearance had been improved.

If you feel you're a dull person with no personality and people avoid you, then getting tattooed is the wrong way to go about it. People will still think you're dull (after trying to talk to you again) only this time they will have learned that you're a moron as well. Placing a tattooey blotch on your skin isn't going to change you, it'll merely make you look uglier.


There is a fine line between looking like an artist and looking like a jackass.

There is a huge difference between being a rock star and trying to pathetically impersonate one.

Everyone is an "artist" nowadays - or at least fancies themselves one. This pathetic need to be "different", to achieve even a small measure of "fame" at any cost, plus the compulsion to achieve that elusive appearance of being "artistic" often turns people into tattoo-paying sheep.

You want to be artistic? Compose great music. Learn to draw, paint or sculpt. (Modern-art bullshit doesn't count.) Do it for real. Merely by inking yourself like millions of other attention-seeking wannabe asses doesn't turn you into either an artist or a person "with a difference". Individualism comes from within, not from following fashion trends, wearing weird clothes - or applying ink onto your skin.

And if you're neither different/weird nor artistic, then just accept it and move on. We can't all be superstars and artistic - some people are needed to clean toilets and some to do accounting.


Would you tattoo on a kidney? Would you let someone poke needles into your lungs? Would you want a picture of your daughter ink-splotched all over your brain, perhaps?

Your skin isn't salad-dressing covering a meal, or some tent pitched all over your bones and arteries. It's a sensitive and important part of your body. Don't screw with it without necessity. Infections are possible even at the cleanest tattoo shops. Taking these risks just to look like a jackass is the height of stupidity.

People who take their health for granted are immature morons.


"This tattoo will remind me of my struggle with bla bla bla".

If you need a tattoo to serve as a reminder for things, then you might be in an early phase of Alzheimer's, so go see a doctor instead.

I'm sick and tired of hearing the words "it symbolizes" and "it will remind me of". Tattoos symbolize only your own lack of individuality and remind intelligent people that you're most likely a trend-happy sheep, a follower rather than a leader, a buffoon rather than a thinker.

You need reminders? Write notes and clip them on your fridge, or wear a bell around your neck like a cow. So much cheaper, and so much less painful and dumb.


"I wanna get a tattoo that symbolizes my sister, and then I want one to represent my struggle against drugs, and then I want one to remind me of my wonderful time spent at the county jail, and oh, of course I also want one that symbolizes the love between me and my girlfriend, and then I need one covering the whole back showing my favourite super-hero, and after I'd finished that I'll... Oh no, wait. Oh no."

Damn. Ran out of space. Wasn't thinking. What a bummer. Only a little bit of space left behind the ear. Perhaps you can tattoo a tiny grain of sand there? That's all that's left to smear. What a putz I must be.

Now you can't pursue your hobby anymore AND you look like an unwashed Persian carpet. Terrific.

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