Monday, 3 March 2014

Are You An Imbecile? Find Out!





You must have wondered at some point: am I dumber than I think I am? Much dumber? Am I intelligent at all? Just how sure can I be about my own views? Do I even have my own views - or do I simply copy-paste other people's into my empty sponge-head? Have I been mislead by liars and fools? Do I get things right all the time? Half the time? Ever? Am I a brainwashed zombie or am I an independent thinker? Do I read between the lines or do I accept everything at face value like a sheep? Am I a bit of both? Do I think outside of the box, or I am inside it - a prisoner of my own stupidity, blissfully unaware of the real world that surrounds me?

Even the most confident among us ask those questions sometimes. (OK, OK, they probably don't, but they should.) Imbeciles never do though, so if you've never asked yourself any of those questions, you don't even have to do the test: you're an imbecile. Trust me, you are one.

Not me though. I am the exception: I hardly ever question myself, because I know exactly what's up. And I will help you answer all these questions. I had my IQ tested and it's somewhere around 850. (I can't remember the exact number because, as you might know, people of such intellectual magnitude have poor memory - due to a lack of space in a brain so full of knowledge that it struggles to store additional information.) That number means I am roughly gazillion and a half times brighter than the average imbecile. Does that include you? 

Here's the ultimate test to finally remove all doubt as to whether or not you are an imbecile.

Each "statement" carries a point. It's fairly simple (even for an imbecile); you get a point for every time you are called out as an imbecile, and when you finish the test you add up all of the points. At the bottom of the page you will find an explanation of your current intellectual state based on how many points you'd accumulated - or not.





If You... You're An Imbecile!




If you have a full set of hair and yet wear those moronic hipster winter caps in warm indoor environments... 
... you're an imbecile!


If you didn't yet realize that "girl-power" is a corporate male invention to sell records by "justifying" bird-brained skanks going up on stage semi-naked like a bunch of cheap strippers while showing off their fake tits to impressionable, lustful adolescents, and if you haven't noticed that girl groups make the female sex look stupid and desperate rather than empowered... 
... you're an imbecile!


If you prefer Spielberg's movies to Kubrick's... 
... you're an imbecile!



If you believed in the 90s that O.J. Simpson was innocent of murder...
... you're an imbecile!


If you still believe that O.J. Simpson is innocent of murder... 
... you're a fucking imbecile!


If you believe Oscar Pistorius's bullshit story that he killed his girlfriend because he mistook her for a gang of robbers...
... you're an imbecile!


If you believed Putin when he said that he invaded the Ukraine because he "wanted to protect Russian citizens", and if you believed him when he said that he is getting involved in the Syrian war in order to destroy ISIS... 
... you're an imbecile!



If you actually believe that annihilating defenseless, innocent animals with modern weaponry makes you manly and brave... 
... you're a cowardly imbecile and I'd love to see you alone in a cage with a tiger, armed with just a toothpick!


If you have ever waited for ages in a long line to get into one of those daft “hip” night clubs where they charge you drinks ten times their value, where fashion-obsessed fad-slaves hold loud moronic drunken conversations shouting over the overly loud, shitty music while flirting with other idiots, clubs inside which masses of sardine-sandwiched brainwashed poseurs go on the dance-floor high on ecstasy and LSD pills hoping that other zombie poseurs are impressed by their spastic, trendy dance moves… 
... you’re an imbecile!


If you spend your free time engaged in the mass-production of selfies - when you purse your lips like a zombie slut while fantasizing about being Kim Kardashian, Rihanna or any other imbecile slut, not even realizing that your mouth looks like a vagina that's chewing a piece of gum... 
... you're an imbecile!


If you spend lots of money in order to look like a duck... 
... you're an imbecile!


If you carry around your mobile phone or camera on a stick...
 ... you're an imbecile!


If you're a nightlife skank who gets so drunk that you stumble around like a headless chicken, and then actually boast later about getting this pissed... 
... you're an imbecile, feminists love you, and please don't hassle authorities to waste tax-payers money trying to find and punish your rapists!


If you wear T-shirts of murderers and psychopaths... 
... you're an imbecile!


If you'd chosen - completely voluntarily - to waste your time, energy and money studying Sociology, EcoGastronomy or African Studies on a university level... 
... you're an imbecile!


If you’re the person who tried to stuff an idiotic leaflet into my non-free hands despite seeing that I was eating while juggling three bags and a mobile phone – not to mention that I gave you a dirty look well before you approached me… 
... you’re an imbecile!


If you’re over the age of 16 and still immersed into all that super-hero comic-book nonsense and actually get thrills watching those mindless Hollywood flicks with grown men dressed in moronic, gay outfits… 
... you’re an imbecile!


If you oppose the death penalty for serial-killers, genocidal dictators, poachers of endangered species, child-rapists/murderers, or the Rosenbergs... 
... you're an imbecile (or you're a serial-killer, a genocidal dictator, a poacher, a child-rapist/murderer, or a Rosenberg relative)!


If you would trust this man to babysit your 5 year-old boy... 
... you're an imbecile!


If you've been suckered into believing the myth that it's perfectly fine for a male gay couple to adopt a young boy or a male infant, assuming naively that everything LGBT advocates must be wonderful and beneficial to society just because the politically-correct, corrupt, pro-gay media have brainwashed you into not questioning anything they say - and despite the fact that you personally (and hypocritically) would never want to have been brought up by a gay couple... 
... you're an imbecile (or a pedophile)!


If you take sides in the silly, infantile media war between Vladimir Putin and LGBT - i.e. between two decidedly extremist sides/viewpoints, or if you actually believe that there is a "good" and a "bad" side when the zealous, deranged Catholic lobby fights against the zealous, deranged gay lobby... 
... you're an imbecile and Larry Kramer loves you!


If you failed to notice - despite tons of evidence - that the western gay lobby is a pro-Marxist political movement that's got the media, culture and politics in a tight grip, and if it totally escaped you that they increasingly take part in the Fascist-like curbing of freedom of speech just to push their questionable, selfish agenda - while hypocritically showing extreme intolerance toward anybody who disagrees on any little thing they hold sacred... 
... you're a brainwashed imbecile and LGBT loves you!


If you assume that everyone who criticizes an extremist organization such as LGBT must automatically be someone who hates homosexuals, and if you actually think that LGBT represents all gays and lesbians... 
... you're an imbecile and Susan Sarandon loves you!


If you refer to rappers as "artists" and consider hip-hop an art-form... 
... you're a tone-deaf imbecile!


If you use the words yo, bro and whassup homey more than once a year, and/or if you wave around with your arms like a zombified reject while making stupid hand gestures and moronic, meaningless signs... 
... you're an imbecile (and even if you're black you get a point here)!


If any of these photos reflect your own way of coughing or sneezing... 
... you're an egotistical imbecile!


If you prefer Friends to Seinfeld, and if you actually laugh out loud when non-talents David Schwimmer or Jennifer Aniston make one of their dumb, unfunny grimaces... 
... you're an imbecile!


If your hair looks like this... 
... you're an imbecile!

If you consider Fahrenheit 9/11 a serious documentary - rather than blatant, self-serving, infantile Marxist propaganda created by a self-loathing, impotent, obese, white-guilt, greedy, opportunistic, misfit hypocrite...
... you're an imbecile (and give yourself an additional point if you actually believe that the U.S. had organized the 9/11 attacks itself)!


If you actually take awards such as the Blowscars, the Golden Globes and Grammys seriously, deludedly thinking that they are awarded on artistic merit rather than ticket/album sales, corporate hype and as means of politically brainwashing clueless gentile morons like yourselves... 
... you're an imbecile!


If you ever voted for or in any way, shape or form supported the political career of a self-obsessed slut actress... 
... you're an imbecile!


If you've ever had breast implants stuffed into your (overly skinny) body or plan to do so for non-illness-related reasons... 
... you're an imbecile! (mental illness doesn't count)


If you stick disgusting, filthy, kitchy, fake pieces of plastic on your stinky, filthy, chewed-up, short, ugly nails… 
... you’re an imbecile!


If you’re a Star Wars fan and it escaped your attention that George Lucas had become a greedy, out-of-touch, dumb, senile fuck for selling the rights to Star Wars to the decadent, shit-making Disney corporation, and if you actually believe that Disney and that sectarian, nepotistic little non-talent hack JJ Abrams won’t make a bunch of garbage sequels to the once-mighty sci-fi serial… 
... you’re an optimistic imbecile and the farce is strong with you!


If you listen to Bob Dylan or Velvet Underground just in order to "impress" other people with your "depth" and "artistic intellectualism"... 
... you're a hipster imbecile!


If you go to a Picasso exhibition and pretend to enjoy that charlatan bullshit just so people wouldn't think you're uncultured or stupid... 
... you may not be an imbecile but you're a damn fucking coward and a sheep!


If you post a comment on this page saying "if you post dumb Fascist texts then you're an imbecile"... 
... you're an imbecile!


If you go to classical music concerts just so other upper-class twits can see what you're wearing... 
... you're an imbecile!


If you believe in the honesty behind a skanky starlet announcing her 28th engagement to her 31st boyfriend, failing to realize that it's pure PR image bullshit... 
... you're an imbecile!


If you believe Michael Jackson had a skin affliction that made him white, if you believe Michael Jackson is the actual father of those white kids, and if you believe that Michael Jackson preferred boys over girls to stay over in his special boy-bed just so he could discuss "Dungeons-and-dragons" at 3 a.m. with them... 
... you're a triple imbecile! (give yourself 3 points)


If you are opposed to all forms of physical punishment in bringing up children... 
... you're an imbecile, and deserve to be victimized, ignored and despised by your spoiled-rotten shitty offspring!


If you actually deny that violent, amoral video-games and the moronic hip-hop "culture" (supported and hyped by the left-wing media) influence impressionable pea-brained youth in a hugely negative way... 
... you're an imbecile and Oprah loves you!


If your kids are fat and/or poorly-behaved brats... 
... you're an imbecile!


If you consider golf a sport... 
... you're an imbecile!


If you're a sports journalist who can't think of anything better to pose than this idiotic, stereotypical question over and over to athletes... you're an unimaginative imbecile (and so is the guy who hired you and refuses to fire you)!


If you're a Serena Williams fan... 
... you're an imbecile (and quite possibly a sociopath too)!


If you're a self-centered, attention-seeking, vampire-toothed version of a Rastafari Charles Manson impersonator wearing a futuristic pilot clown hat and voluntarily stabbed with 129 piercings and tattoos, a Cuban-born immigrant who grew up and resides in free capitalist U.S.A. where you spend a lot of your time writing simplistic, childishly embarrassing pseudo-rebellious lyrics about how much you hate democracy, capitalism, and corporations despite having your own music promoted through a corporate system, and you incessantly rant about how wonderful Chavez and Castro are because western leaders are so vile and wicked - when you're not too busy shooting heroine and sniffing cocaine which you've been doing for decades in your opulent, non-communist villa - conveniently ignoring the blatant irony that your extravagant, immature, decadent, "free-spirit" lifestyle is enabled by the same free capitalist democracy you detest, blissfully unaware that you'd most likely get arrested, raped and shot (not necessarily in that order) if you ever had the balls to try to be that kind of "rebel" in Castro's Cuba or any other tyrannical Marxist regime... 
... you're a hypocritical imbecile!


If a self-centered, attention-seeking, vampire-toothed version of a Rastafari Charles Manson impersonator with a futuristic pilot clown hat and 129 piercings and tattoos strikes you as a "cool dude" who knows what he's talking about, and if you find Al Jourgensen's lyrics intelligent or his lifestyle commendable... 
... you're just as much an imbecile as he is!


If you haven't yet realized that nudists are full of shit when they blab like New Age zombies about being "one with nature" and "feeling free" - when they're essentially just a bunch of attention-seeking, exhibitionist sexual deviants (and often swingers) seeking sexual titillation and cheap thrills from strangers in public places...
... you're an imbecile!


If you have any pins or needles stapled onto your dumb face - just to garner more attention from other imbeciles...
... you're an insecure imbecile!


If you and your wife/partner/girlfriend/insignificant-other decided that she has a so-called "unassisted natural water birth", thinking this is somehow a wise choice for a land mammal because it will bring her and her unborn baby closer to the Earth or some such New Age mumbo-jumbo bullshit despite the fact that a regular land/air birth is much more natural for all land mammals including your dumb pregnant cow... 
... you're both imbeciles (and so is your dumb non-dolphin newborn)!


If you keep saying "we're pregnant" in spite of you having a penis... 
... you're an imbecile, and so is your wife/girlfriend for willingly mixing her DNA with the DNA of an imbecile!


If you bro-fist your wife or girlfriend... 
... you're an imbecile!


If you still haven't realized that Princess Diana was a dumb, greedy, self-centered, obnoxious whore, and if you believe the Royals are dumb enough to have her murdered in such an unsubtle way... 
... you're an imbecile!


If you believe that anyone who despises Princess Diana must automatically be a supporter of Prince Charles and his in-bred "Royal Family" of imbeciles... 
... you're an imbecile!


If you suspect that the 1969 Moon landing might have been an elaborate, staged conspiracy/hoax with a bunch of actors in a Hollywood studio hopping up and down in slow motion, hence that mankind is too incompetent to travel to the Moon... 
... you're an incompetent imbecile who projects his own incompetence onto others!


If you believe John Lennon was a visionary instead of the obvious fact that he was a big-headed, narcissistic, pretentious, semi-literate exhibitionist hedonist, and a hypocritical moron who let a talent-free charlatan manipulate him like a dumb puppet... 
... you're an imbecile!


If you only date imbeciles, this cannot be a coincidence and that means that... 
... you're an imbecile too!



If you refer to a drag queen or any male transsexual as a "she"... 
... you're a brainwashed imbecile and Jon Stewart loves you!


If you refer to any planet in the Solar System as a "she"... 
... you're an imbecile!


If you refer to yourself in the third person... 
... you're an imbecile!


If you gave your 4 sons names such as Rocket, Rebel, Racer & Rogue (left photo), or you named your son Pirate (right photo), or you gave any of your kids names such as Harley Quinn, Seven, Free, Mars Merkaba, Buddy Bear, Diva Thin Muffin, North West, Saint West, Moon Unit, Bronx Mowgli, Speck Wildhorse, Jermajesty, Audio Science, Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily, Fifi Trixiebell, Bogart Che Peyote, Kal-El, Pilot Inspektor, or Zuma Nesta Rock... 
... you're a pretentious imbecile!


If you give your daughter a boy's name or your son a girl's name, despite the fact that you don't have to pick a bloody useless/confusing/ridiculous unisex name because there are literally hundreds of clear-cut gender-based names out there to pick from...
... you're an imbecile!


If you're a vegan... 
... you're an imbecile!


If your worldview is based on the cute drawing on the left... 
... you're an imbecile and Noam Chomsky loves you!


If you've been successfully trained to parrot the word "diversity" very often like a mindless zombie whenever you discuss social or political issues because you're a sucker for all fads... 
... you're an imbecile!


If you don't understand the contradiction here, and if you don't agree with these three simple-to-understand sentences... 
... you're, well, kinda obvious what you are - it says there clearly!


If you don't laugh - or at least snicker a bit - when you see and hear that consummate liar, faker and poseur Bono talk about "ending poverty in the world", and if you fail to notice that his smile on this photo is forced and that he is hesitant in shaking his noble hand with the black woman that he doesn't give a shit about... 
... you're an imbecile!


If you're one of those people who use the retarded abbreviations LOL and LMAO whenever you're trying to disguise your anger, not realizing that your growing frustration only gets even more obvious when you're trying to hide it behind these pathetic letters...
... you're an insecure imbecile!


If you consider Assange and Snowden to be your heroes, a result of being suckered by the left-wing media into believing that these two Commie extremists are idealistic whistle-blowers rather than sociopath attention-seeking spies who seek asylum from tyrant, genocidal regimes in order to hypocritically protest against "the evils of capitalist imperialism"... 
... you're a Marxist imbecile and Jon Stewart loves you!



If your reaction to the supremely wise sayings “eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth” and "fight fire with fire" send you off into a self-righteous tirade during which you spew some moronic, pacifistic, flowery shit about the "evils" of revenge, how humans are or should be above animals, and how violence is never the solution to anything - while dishing out half-assed quotes from that grass-grazing, pedophilic hypocrite Gandhi or some deranged, self-loathing, Karl-Marx-hugging American liberal ass… 
... you're an imbecile!


If you consider yourself an atheist - yet (like most atheists) fell into the Marxist trap like a gullible idealistic sheep, failing to realize that Marxism is just another thinly-veiled religion that borrows heavily from Christianity while hypocritically dismissing all religions with which it competes to enslave and rob the masses...
 ... you're a quasi-atheistic imbecile!


If you're one of the 98% brainwashed, misinformed, disinterested sheep who believe in Nelson Mandela's carefully crafted media image of a humanitarian, completely unaware that he was a Marxist dictator under whose regime far more South African citizens were killed than under apartheid, that he used to be a terrorist (no, not freedom-fighter, you left-wing ninnies), that his recently jailed ex-wife Winnie was responsible for murder, torture and abduction of a large number of adults and children - not to mention that she publicly endorsed the practice of burning people alive, or that Nelson considered Gaddafi, Arafat and Castro mankind's heroes and his personal friends... 
... you're an imbecile and all the murderous psychopaths of this world love you!


If you believe that the Nobel Peace Prize is awarded to people who deserve it, ignoring the blatant and ironic fact that it is handed out often to psychopaths, murderers, populist opportunists, terrorists, corrupt politicians and assorted charlatans - by a left-leaning committee made up of very wealthy hypocrites and liars... 
... you're an imbecile!


If you're either a rabid anti-Semite (fashionable again these days) or an apologist who thinks Jews should get away with just about anything and are above criticism because of the Holocaust...
... you're an imbecile!


If words such as "homophobic", "Islamophobic", or "racist" are part of your regular vocabulary... 
... you're an imbecile!


If you use the retarded and overlong politically-correct term "African-American" despite the fact that not all black Americans stem directly from Africa, despite the fact that not all black people are indigenous to Africa, despite the fact that many Arabs also stem from Africa, despite the fact that most American blacks are partly white, and despite the fact that the vast majority of U.S. blacks haven't even been to Africa nor can even name one African country... 
... you're a brainwashed imbecile and Stephen Colbert loves you!


If you get tattoos to pathetically draw attention to your irrelevant little self and then draw even more attention by telling people that they symbolize that thing and the other and that they remind you of whomever or whatever bullshit... 
... you're an imbecile!


If you watch Toddlers & Tiaras and find nothing wrong with it... 
... you're an imbecile (and should have your children taken away from you by social services)!


If you marry 4 women and they're all ugly... 
... you're an imbecile!


If you marry a man who's already got several wives... 
... you're an imbecile!


If you drop your jaw in utter awe when you see a charlatan bend a spoon with his "mental energy"... 
... you're an imbecile!


If your jaw hits the floor in awe every time you see this dweeb phony "perform" one of his pseudo-tricks by using cheap-shit editing-room trickery, paid actors and CGI effects... 
... you're an imbecile and deserve to have your wallet disappear!


If you believe the PR bullshit that Shakira and Sharon Stone have I.Q.s over 150... 
... you're an even bigger imbecile than they are! (there is a slight chance they might have an I.Q. over 150 but only if you add them up)


If you've never noticed how astoundingly stupid almost everything Sean Penn ever said is... 
... you are an even bigger imbecile than he is!


If you consider Lars von Trier's supremely idiotic Breaking the Waves or his stupendously stupid Dancer in the Dark to be excellent and thought-provoking movies... 
... you're an imbecile and I will pay for your lobotomy!


If you're the man responsible for the supremely stupid Breaking The Waves and the amazingly idiotic Dancer in the Dark...
... you're a crazy imbecile and you probably had a lobotomy!


If you’re a black American who turned to Islam and changed your name because you hate white people and blame them for everything as a way to cover up all your personal insecurities and failings, but never bothered to pick up a single history book about Africa where you might read about how Arab Muslims had been killing, enslaving and kidnapping black people for centuries…
... you’re an imbecile!

If you didn't realize that The Hills was staged - and just as fake as its participants' boob implants - until its producers finally admitted it... 
... you're an imbecile!


If you ever picked up a phone to vote for a reality TV show contestant on eviction day - despite the facts that the results are often rigged by the producers and that wasting your money on celebrity morons is quite stupid... 
... you're an imbecile!


If you'd ever gone to India on a "spiritual journey", ignoring the harsh realities of the extreme poverty that surrounded you there but focusing instead on a quest "to find the meaning of life" or God or whatever holy, supernatural bullshit you think you'd find there... 
... you're an egotistical imbecile!


If you’re a westerner who often bitches about “hardship” - low wages, the “cruel” corporations you and other people work for, about not earning enough to travel to the Bahamas 9 times a year – and never for a second show gratitude for being born in the 20th century, never even consider what gruesome and grueling conditions hundreds of generations of your ancestors existed in before the fairly recent massive advancements in human rights, transportation, communication, medicine and technology…
... you’re an ungrateful, spoiled imbecile and I'd love to throw your dumb ass into the Middle Ages or into a Stone Age cave!


If you admire fashion models and respect them for their "work"... 
... you're an imbecile!




Your Score:

OK, imbecile, now is the time to add up all of your points (of which there must be many, surely). 

If you're an imbecile (and you know you are) then this simple mathematical task could prove to be too difficult for you, which is kind of ironic when you think about it (if indeed you can think or even understand what irony means). In that case, ask someone to add the points for you; just make sure they aren't an imbecile as well otherwise you'll never get your score, hence never find out whether you're an imbecile or not. Of course, merely needing help to add a few simple numbers in itself proves that you are an imbecile (especially if you're stupid enough to ask for help from another imbecile) which means you don't even really need to find out your exact score. In that case, congratulations, you've passed/failed the test: you're an imbecile!

For those of you who have managed to add up their points, hence aren't yet quite sure whether or not you are imbeciles, here are the results:

95 points: There is no doubt whatsoever that you're an imbecile. In fact, the best team of pathologically lying lawyers in this imbecilic world couldn't convince even the most imbecilic jury that you're not an imbecile. In fact, even calling you an imbecile is an insult to all the other imbeciles who aren't quite as imbecilic as you are. 

27-94 points: You're an imbecile. 

10-26 points: You're an imbecile. 

5-9 points: You're an imbecile. 

1-4 points: You're an imbecile.

0 points: You must have cheated. You're probably an imbecile just like everyone else. 


Please, feel free to post your results in the comments section! We all want to know how dumb you are.
You can't keep hiding your imbecility forever! Stop fooling yourself, fool, come out of the stupid closet, and reveal your test score to the rest of your fellow humans. 
Don't be embarrassed! Most of them are just as dumb as you are.




Depressed about finding out that you're an imbecile? Cheer yourself up with this text about UFOlogists and their imbecilic world of anal-probing and other otherworldly buffoonery: 


Or perhaps you could be cheered up by finding out that there are people out there a LOT dumber than even yourself or those UFOlogist nerds. Read all about the retards of Occupy Wall Street, a telling text about the decline of Western Civilization: 


Maybe you're an Ingmar Bergman fan and need to be annoyed with a savage spoof of his overrated "classic" Autumn Sonata?

23.7.2016.